I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
