I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
