Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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