he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
