just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize