So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
