We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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