I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
