remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
