just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
