It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
