I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
