I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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