Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
