if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
