she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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