my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
