That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
