is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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