Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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