he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Someone signed my nipple.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
