you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
