White coat. Heels.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
