I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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