I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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