she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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