I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
