i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
As shirtless as possible
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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