she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
time to smoke my breakfast
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
