Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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