The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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