how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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