i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
