Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
