I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
