i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
