im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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