He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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