i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
