Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
