theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
