Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
