cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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