My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
