1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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