I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
