My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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