I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Boobs are out for the taking
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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