you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
