wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
