What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
