Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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