Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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