Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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