Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
