Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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