I just saw a hot homeless man
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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