Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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