Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
