I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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