I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
