I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
