Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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