when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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