Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
