I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
