I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
