Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
