Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
