The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize