remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
