The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
