go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
